Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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