i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
