Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
