Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
