Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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