well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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