Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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