bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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