do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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