I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
