You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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