I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
