break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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