He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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