508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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