He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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