East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
