i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
