i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
