this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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