you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
time to smoke my breakfast
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
