I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
