New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
