Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
