just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
