like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
