I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
vagina is talking i cant
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
