Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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