And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
