I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Welp...herpes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
