Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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