to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
