Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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