She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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