if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
