I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
