Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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