i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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