dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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