Porn is love you can see.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
