I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
