so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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