I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We are all done wearing pants today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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