what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
