next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
