is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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