i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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