id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
