First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
