i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
