my phone needs a breathalizer
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
