He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
