I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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