Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
